Mary
The short answer
The name Mary belongs to more than one woman in the Gospels, and the two most familiar — Mary of Bethany and Mary the mother of Jesus — are both given to us slowly, in the middle of family life, rather than as polished figures standing alone.
Mary of Bethany appears in John 11 alongside her sister Martha, after their brother Lazarus has died. The sisters respond to grief in opposite ways. Martha is the active one: she hurries out to meet Jesus and confronts him directly, asking why he did not come sooner. Mary stays behind. Her response comes later, more quietly. N. T. Wright suggests that many of us recognize ourselves in Martha — we cannot wait, we need to say what we think, especially when an 'if only' is pressing on the heart. But the story deliberately makes room for Mary's temperament too: the slower, more inward response to loss. Neither sister is scolded for how she grieves.
Something similar happens with the other Mary, the mother of Jesus. Luke's Gospel does not open with her. Wright points out that Jesus is not even named for the first thirty verses; instead Luke begins with Zechariah and Elisabeth, a devout older couple going about their everyday routine. Only after our minds have settled into that ordinary, faithful world does Luke turn to Mary's extraordinary pregnancy. The astonishing news arrives inside a story of habit, family, and quiet devotion.
Read together, these two threads resist the urge to treat Mary as an icon frozen in stained glass. The Gospels present the Marys as people embedded in households — waiting, grieving, preparing, believing at their own pace. That slowness is not a flaw in the storytelling. It is the point: God's most remarkable work unfolds among people living recognizably ordinary lives.
What scholars say
In these passages, N. T. Wright contrasts Martha's hurried, direct confrontation of Jesus with Mary of Bethany's quieter response, and observes how Luke withholds even Jesus' name for thirty verses, beginning instead with Zechariah and Elisabeth to prepare readers for the story of Mary's extraordinary pregnancy.
“Martha is the active, busy one (see Luke 10.38–42), and Mary the quieter. We shall see Mary’s response presently. Martha had to hurry off to meet Jesus and confront him directly. Many of us are like that; we can’t wait, we must tell Jesus what we think of him and his strange ways. If you’re like that, and if you have an ‘if only’ in your heart or mind right now, put yourself in Martha’s shoes. Run off to meet Jesus. Tell him the problem. Ask him why he didn’t come sooner, why he allowed that awful thing to happen.”
“Luke has done something very similar in the opening of his gospel . His story is, of course, principally about Jesus, but the name ‘Jesus’ doesn’t occur for the first 30 verses, and Jesus himself is not born until well into the story. Luke is going to tell us about Mary’s extraordinary pregnancy and Jesus’ extraordinary birth, but he knows we will need to prepare our minds and hearts for this story. So he begins with the story of Zechariah and Elisabeth, a devout couple going about their everyday life.”
What it means for you
When grief or disappointment brings an 'if only' into your prayers, notice which sister you resemble. Some of us are Marthas, who need to run toward God with the question on our lips. Others are Marys, who sit with sorrow before we can speak. The story in John 11 makes room for both, and neither is the wrong way to come to Jesus.
Luke's patient opening offers a second encouragement: God's most significant work often begins in ordinary routines, long before anything looks remarkable. Faithfulness in an unremarkable season — like Zechariah and Elisabeth's — may be exactly the soil where something extraordinary is being prepared.
In context
John 11 tells of the death of Lazarus in Bethany. Jesus delays his arrival, and by the time he comes, Lazarus has been in the tomb for days. Martha goes out to meet Jesus on the road with her question, while Mary remains at the house until later — a contrast in temperaments that runs through the chapter. Luke 1, meanwhile, opens the story of Jesus' birth not with Jesus or Mary but with Zechariah and Elisabeth, an elderly priestly couple, easing the reader gradually toward the announcement of Mary's pregnancy.